So I've worked on it for another 3 hours and still nothing.
So I've decided to tell everyone what it is I am doing..... because that is what this is for I guess.
I don't really know.
Apparently mine and Alan's talk yesterday was like an Obama campaign speech: full of promise and pretty words but now that its time to work I got nothing.
I got the vibe on crystal castles that he was being nice but really, maybe its a good direction but its eh.
Then he say my pathetic attempt at fungi girls and he told me to go there.....so that is what I have been doing.
I spent half the day yesterday exploring and most of the day today looking through fungi books and working some stuff out in the direction of a collage but it all sucks. This is a completely objective statement. It's true too.
So I hate it. Where do I go from here?
Well I have been thinking of this story I heard once, maybe it was told in class? Anyway I am 99% sure its true...
There was this person (someone I somehow am socially related to I don't know how, maybe my cousin's friend?) who was on a road trip in CO (or was it NM?) and their bud made them drive waaaay out of the way to visit this river the locals call the bitching river.
This guy had always been super depressed/negative/darkly sarcastic and while that seemed to be working for him, he really wanted to go to this river.
He had read that you go to this river and just bitch, really really bitch and let it all out.... I don't think the article stated a specific purpose just a general soul-vent.
So they two guys drove all the way out to the middle of nowhere to this bitching river.
The person I somehow know waited in the car while the other guy went out on a rock in the river where he sat and screamed and screamed and screamed. He let out everything that he had been holding onto for obviously quite along time...
He basically bitched the entire day while the other guy waited in the car. The other guy said it was getting pretty freaky like he thought the guy had had a mental break but after dark the guy got back in the car.
What I love about this story is what I remember most, what I know for sure, when asked what the guy was like afterward, did he go back to being all dark and negative? The guy said no, not at all, that ever since then he has been "super chill and mellow, like he said what he needed to and now he's all good."
Like I said I don't know where I heard this, I am quite sure it is my cousin's bud.
But the point is this:
There is a magical bitching river somewhere in the southwestern united states and I may be fucked on this project and have turned all dark and twisty inside the moment I chose this godforsaken career because once, along time ago I was a unusually happy, fun-loving, entertaining, relatively low-key kind of a person and if I can find this magical bitching river perhaps i can return to that.